mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
