and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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