I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
