@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
