i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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