Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
