I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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