So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
