im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
