Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
