Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
