So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
