this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
