i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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