what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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