I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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