You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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