If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
