Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
