maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
