My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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