Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
