Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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