we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
