so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im holly from the hills drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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