It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
