btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
