Define "chronic" masturbator.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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