Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
