So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
