Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
