I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
