Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
