Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
