I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
