How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
