I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
