omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
