Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
