6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hate all girls vehemently.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
