My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
