What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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