I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
