I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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