I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
