I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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