Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
