Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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