My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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