and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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