She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
