I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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