Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We talked him into tasing himself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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