my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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