i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
