New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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